


All That Matters

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Series: Things Unspoken [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Apparently Uncaring Ren, Bottom Armitage Hux, Dominant Kylo Ren, It Starts To Fall Apart For Hux, M/M, No Aftercare, Rough Sex, Submissive Armitage Hux, Subspace, Top Kylo Ren, slight BDSM, slight dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5730394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts out as a seemingly beneficial arrangement, but over time Hux comes to need something Ren never gives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Matters

**Author's Note:**

> Woah okay this pairing already has so many amazing fics, I know this one's not needed in the slightest, or well-written at all, but... I tried... *sigh*
> 
> I'm nothing but sorry for this. Short explanation of wtf: Hux bottoming and absolutely loving it gives me life (that guy needs a good screw, and I bet he's otherworldly once he realises just how great getting fucked feels and oh fuck I wish I had the skill and bravery to write explicit stuff). The note I jotted down which spawned this fic was simply 'sex without aftercare', because I'm horrible and wanted to imagine Hux slowly falling apart. It probably veers off-point, I'm sorry. It played out far better in my head. I am tired.
> 
> *dives into the trash compactor*
> 
> Un-beta'd.
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!
> 
> Translated into Chinese by moshu.

Kylo Ren will often just fuck him and leave. Hux tells himself that he’s fine with that; it doesn’t matter and he doesn’t want, nor does he need, anything beyond the physical release their brief encounters afford him. They’re freeing. Ren gives him something Hux can’t find anywhere else, and while there is a psychological aspect to it, Hux dismisses that and focuses solely on the physical. That’s all that matters.

Long before meeting Kylo Ren, Hux would suffer occasionally from an inexplicable desperation he couldn’t quite name - something that felt like an uncharacteristic need to rebel against the rigidity and utilitarianism of the life he lived - and he’d throw himself almost destructively into his duties until the feeling passed. Now, though, he better understands what that desperation is, even if he doesn’t understand why he feels it, and he’s found something that works very effectively to combat it: namely, sex. Or, more specifically, sex in which he has no control over what is happening. There’s something about letting go, surrendering control and responsibility, that allows him to feel so intensely liberated, and he finds himself craving the release that Ren - and Ren alone - can offer him more and more. It’s not even about being dominated, it’s quite simply about relinquishing power and, however briefly, no longer being in control.

Hux can’t imagine doing what they do with anyone else. He can barely come to terms with the fact that he does it with Kylo Ren, of all people, but the fact that Ren exists outwith the chain of command helps. Hux isn’t displaying vulnerability to a subordinate, nor is he compromising himself in front of a superior. Ren is something else, and while Hux doesn’t trust Ren in the slightest, he trusts that Ren knows how severe the repercussions would be if he were to ever overstep the mark and permanently harm him in any way. Ren has enough intelligence to see that Hux is a valued and important part of the First Order and should remain in one, unbroken piece.

Above all else, though, Kylo Ren seems genuinely uninterested in why they do what they do. It seems so inconsequential to him. They fuck and it feels good - that seems to be all the knight cares about. Hux tells himself that it’s all he cares about too. The fact that Ren is the same volatile Force-user as ever is often frustrating, but a change in personality or attitude would be far more unnerving. Hux doesn’t want that. He reminds himself frequently that he doesn’t want intimacy outside of what they do; he doesn’t even want intimacy then. He just wants the feeling Ren can give him as he takes and takes whatever he wants and uses Hux until he has satisfied his own lust, leaving Hux to chase after his own. A few times Hux has been left, still hard, to finish himself off. Ren never touches him. The actions to position Hux just how Ren wants him are always perfunctory and often done through the Force rather than actual touch. Even when he’s held in place, Ren nearly always uses the Force. It’s clear he holds all the power, and Hux gives in completely, allowing himself to be positioned, manipulated and used however the other man wants.

Whatever Ren thinks of what they do, Hux can only guess. It started with a verbal altercation about Ren’s misuse of equipment that got too personal, the two of them crowding far too close, and had ended with Ren roughly pinning Hux against the wall of the otherwise empty briefing room, none too delicately tearing away his clothing and proceeding to violate Hux’s body. Violate, Hux decides, is far too strong of a word for it. Ren had been anything but gentle, but Hux had craved it. From the very moment Ren used the Force to render him immobile, Hux had felt an almost blissful rush of relief as he realised just how helpless he was; how powerless. That strange irritability that had plagued him intermittently suddenly made sense, and giving in was the most natural thing to do. Ren hadn’t questioned or even mocked the sudden complacency, and had somehow - Hux chalked it up to his abilities - known what Hux needed to happen.

They’d righted their clothes afterwards in a strange silence, the earlier topic abandoned. Ren left, as a conclusion to their encounter had clearly been reached, although it wasn’t the one Hux had set out to achieve. Ren was no doubt on the other side of the _Finalizer_ by the time Hux worked out what had actually just happened, and by then he felt far too sated to care about anything that wasn’t an immediate threat.

-

Unaccustomed to intercourse, Hux had been sore for days afterwards. It left him irritable and barely able to conceal his sour mood. He had initially been annoyed at himself for letting it happen, but as it became clear that Ren’s attitude towards him wasn’t in the slightest bit altered and he remembered just how freeing the sex had been, Hux gave up worrying about it. He told himself it wouldn’t happen again, and tried to forget the whole thing.

Only, it did happen again. A little more than two weeks later, Hux found himself distracted by Ren’s presence, and his thoughts couldn’t help turning to the seemingly limitless power the knight possessed. He suddenly yearned be controlled by it; to find himself powerless beneath the other man, and Hux found it frustratingly hard to focus on anything else. He found himself considering how to bring about the situation he desired - starting a confrontation was hardly an appropriate way to go about it, as, not only was it childish, Hux didn’t want Ren to think that any altercation was an invitation to fuck. So Hux settled for standing a respectably close distance to the knight and requesting his presence in his private rooms that evening. Masked as always, Ren had turned fractionally towards him, the only indication he gave that he’d heard Hux speak, and then stalked away without responding. Hours later, sitting alone with an old but pivotal treatise on military manoeuvres, Hux wondered if Ren would fulfill his request, if he’d even bothered listening to Hux in the first place. He had no way of predicting what the volatile man may or may not do, and tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter if Ren came or not.

It was an unconvincing lie. It did matter. Hux had tasted something he’d never known before, and knew that no one else could offer him what he needed.

When Ren finally decided to turn up, Hux greeted him as cooly and evenly as he always did, seeing no reason to change his demeanour.

“I had thought we might find somewhere to talk in private,” Hux stated, standing and leaving the document on his desk.

“Here will suffice,” Ren said dismissively, his voice distorted by his mask. He strode towards Hux, and Hux made to protest, but found his tongue unmoving.

Choking in surprise, Hux fought for a moment against the hold that settled over him, pinning him in place. It stunned him. He hadn’t wanted anything to take place in his own quarters - his own private sanctuary - but Ren clearly didn’t care. He didn’t give Hux the chance to protest.

It was that alone which allowed Hux to give in after just a moment more of internal conflict. He wanted to stop making choices and allow someone else to take charge, and Ren was doing just that. As his resistance - not that it had been any use against Ren’s powers - faded and he surrendered himself, Hux was already reaching for that blissful feeling he’d found last time; the calm serenity he now knew surrendering control gave him. He almost felt happy as he was roughly turned around and partially stripped, only his uniform pants and undergarments being tugged out of the way. The anticipation as he waited for the inevitable, focused on every sound the man behind him made as he moved and every heavy-handed touch of gloved fingers, only made the relief as he was finally penetrated all the more intense, and Hux cried out pathetically, whimpering at the onslaught of feelings. The words of his father’s treatise stared up at him scrutinizingly as Hux abandoned everything he was for the sake of a few minutes’ pleasure.

He didn’t care.

-

Ren clearly didn’t care either. All he focused on during their encounters was his own pleasure. He fucked Hux in whatever position he felt like and however roughly he wanted, using both his powerful body and the Force to manipulate Hux into the positions he desired. Once or twice Ren’s disregard for consequences and Hux’s desperation had resulted in irresponsible risks, and while Hux later confronted Ren about the choice of locations - the debriefing room and officers’ training hall were wildly inappropriate venues - the apparent need Ren had shown to have Hux there and then made something in him stutter. For a brief moment, before he forcefully disregarded the ridiculous notion, Hux felt wanted.

Ren’s actions further dissuaded the idea. Other than to manipulate Hux into a position and hold him there, or to almost dismissively finger him before fucking him, Ren still doesn’t touch Hux. Hux tells himself it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if Ren finds him attractive or not - they are simply using each other. Ren gets to fuck someone, and no doubt feel even more powerful while doing it, while Hux gets to let go and surrender all responsibility, finding that otherwise unattainable state of bliss and relief he has always craved but could never reach before. They’re nothing but convenient to each other.

Hux tells himself it doesn’t matter.

He tells himself that the way he’d been coldly kicked out that one time they fucked in Ren’s quarters doesn’t sting. He’d let himself in, only to be pinned with his face against the door, rendered sightless and forcibly fucked. Ren hadn’t been wearing his mask, as he was in a state of partial undress, and his breaths against Hux’s skin and harsh grunts as he pistoned into the willing body trapped between his own and the cold metal door had only added to the state of delirium Hux had been pitched into. It had felt like a new, more powerful edge to what they normally did, but as Ren came and withdrew, everything became unbearably cold. Denied the completion he craved, Hux was forced to hurriedly right his clothes as the door was opened and he was shoved into the, mercifully empty, corridor beyond.

For the first time, Hux felt humiliation. He’d immediately realised that it was a mistake to go to Ren’s quarters in the first place, and didn’t repeat the error, but it still seemed unfair. In his own quarters there was barely a surface Hux hasn’t been fucked against. Ren had become an expert at breaking him apart and giving Hux something he knows he cannot find anywhere else. It doesn’t seem fair.

Hux is aware of the fact that he gives Ren nothing in return.

But none of that matters. It’s not a relationship; it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. Hux doesn’t need to know why Ren does it, or what he gets out of it. He doesn’t need to concern himself with that: all he needs is to focus on his own gains, of which there are plenty.

Or so he tells himself for the umpteenth time that day. Hux isn’t even alone, and he’s distracted. It has been thirteen hours since Ren left his quarters, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s coming undone. Something isn’t quite right - he hasn’t pieced himself together after what happened. It was the same as always, but for some reason Hux had sat on the floor for far too long after Ren had swept out of the room, only tearing his gaze from the door and moving when the position he was in dimly registered as painful. Vacantly, Hux had moved to the refresher and cleaned himself automatically before falling into bed, but he’d still felt absent from himself. He still felt it now. It was as if he was still sitting on the floor, waiting for who knew what. Ren to come back, perhaps. Which would never happen.

Slowly, over the rest of the day, Hux pulls himself together. It’s almost perverse that someone such as himself - well-born old Imperial blood - could find pleasure in the complete lack of control, but Hux knows it’s just an escape, and one he would never take permanently. He is born for power, and thrives on it.

-

Hux doesn’t understand what went wrong. He can barely think. He can’t take it any more. As Ren pulls away, readjusts himself and then leaves, Hux can’t work his way through the turmoil he’s abandoned in. His body is trembling, his breathing coming too harshly, and his thoughts are far too scattered for him to pull himself together. He can still feel the ghost of contact around his throat where Ren had applied pressure with the Force, and he knows he should feel ashamed when tears sting his eyes and he draws a rasping breath, sobbing, but he’s still in that place where all he can do is react. There’s such a desperate _need_ burning in his chest, and he’s yearning for contact… but there is no one there. He’s completely alone; spent, used, and unwanted.

It’s the last word that hurts the most. _Unwanted_. Ren doesn’t care about him in the slightest. He doesn’t even see Hux. Once he’s fulfilled his usefulness, Hux is discarded. He’s left alone to try and find his way back from a place that’s suddenly overwhelming and terrifying, and he doesn’t know how to do it.

Hux feels beyond pathetic as he reaches out for something - anything - comforting. His hand closes around the thin sheet on his bed, and he pulls it close to his chest, curling around it and finding himself sobbing even harder. He feels broken, in the worst possible way, and he desperately wishes he could stop whatever is happening. It hurts. He doesn’t even know how to begin to make it stop. The loneliness is crashing in around him, and he doesn’t know which way to turn. He needs something - someone - to hold on to, to anchor him and lend him strength, but there’s no one and nothing there.

Curling even tighter into a ball, Hux feels more of Ren’s seed run flow down his thigh, but far from feeling disgust he finds himself drowning in anguish. If he had enough presence of mind, Hux would hate himself in that moment for how desperately he wishes for someone who cares, and who would help him piece himself back together again after he’d been torn apart. Every interaction he’s ever had with another being has been about self-servitude and gain, and he can’t remember a single instance in which he felt wanted for who he was as a person, or even loved.

He certainly isn’t loved now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so, so sorry. I was thinking about perhaps writing more, but I don't even know whose POV to go with.
> 
> Oh, I went with Kylo's. You can find the sort-of-sequel [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5753389/chapters/13256440).
> 
> You can come and shout at me on [tumblr](http://deluxekyluxtrashcan.tumblr.com), or give me more ideas to ruin, idk.


End file.
